...now i'm gonna dress myself for two...

Its really over
you made your stand
you got me crying
as was your plan
but when my lonliness is through
i'm gonna find another you

you take your sweaters
you take your time
you might have your reasons
but you will never have my rhyme
i'm gonna sing my way away from blues
i'm gonna find another you

when i was your lover
no one else would do
if i'm forced to find another
i hope he looks like you
yea, and he's nicer too

so go on, baby
make your little get away
my pride will keep me company
and you just gave yours all away
oh
now i'm gonna dress myself for two
once for me
and once for someone new
i'm gonna do some things
you wouldnt let me do
oh
i'm gonna find another you.

I dont wanna fall another moment into your gravity.

i live here on my knees
as i try and make you see
that you're everything i think i need
here on the ground
but you're neither friend nor foe
though i cant seem to let you go
one thing that i still know
is that...


...you're keeping me down.

Could this be my anthem?

Ego Trippin' [There May Be A Reason Why] - Nikki Giovanni

I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
the tears from my birth pains
created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the sahara desert
with a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
so swift you can't catch me

For a birthday present when he was three
I gave my son hannibal an elephant
He gave me rome for mother's day
My strength flows ever on

My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
jesus
men intone my loving name
All praises All praises
I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
the filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels
On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean...I...can fly
like a bird in the sky...

Bone Black: Part One.

bell hooks and i may be kindred spirits. at least that's what i'd like to think. reading bone black: memories of girlhood makes me think a lot about myself and my journey in life. i dont quite fit in my family just like she didnt when she was younger. there are a lot of parallels there. i'm no bell hooks, she's quite accomplished and definitely a woman to be revered. i only pray that i sprout into someone like her.

the book though, i'm only halfway through but i never ever want to put it down. i want to sit and have a conversation with the woman writing the book as she writes it or i would have liked to be there with her when the specific events happened as they happened reassuring her that i felt the same exact way when my grandmama, who also dips and spits, comes to visit and asks me to bring her spitoon to her and how quickly i also want to be rid of them when she leaves or how my mother's mother used to make us tea cakes and milk and how i also loved those times. but mainly i want to talk to her about how sometimes i, too, feel like i just dont fit.

i want to tell her that i know about hot combs, grease, and that feeling that you've grown up when you can finally get your hair straightened.
i want to tell her that i love to read too and that i wish she'd give me a list of all the best books so i can read what she's read.
i want to tell her that i dont want to get married either. its just not for me.
i want to ask her how she makes her writing read like poetry and if she can tutor me so that i can write just as well as she does or at least say she tutored.
i want to let her know that i think lies are like bombs too but that in my family, my father's not the one that keeps them from exploding.